(no subject)

Thanks for all your amazing recipe ideas! I ended up making a dish from one of my favorite cooking blogs, Cheap Healthy Good. We already had everything on hand except for the chickpeas, the vegetable broth, and the wheat gluten, plus a loaf of bread, costing me a grand total of $4.43 and making 8 sandwiches. WOO!

Chickpea Cutlets
Makes 4 cutlets.

1 cup chickpeas
2 tablespoons olive oil
½ cup vital wheat gluten
½ cup oatmeal, food-processed to breadcrumb consistency (or ½ c plain breadcrumbs)
¼ cup vegetable broth or water (I used Better than Bouillon)
2 tablespoons soy sauce
2 garlic cloves, pressed or grated
½ teaspoon lemon zest
½ teaspoon dried thyme
½ teaspoon paprika (I used hot, and it was great)
¼ teaspoon dried sage
Olive oil or cooking spray for baking or pan-frying

0) If you will be oven-baking these, preheat your oven to 375.

1) In a medium bowl, combine chickpeas and olive oil. With a big spoon and/or fork (plus a little muscle), mash them together until all the chickpeas are broken apart.

2) In a separate small bowl, combine dry ingredients: gluten, oatmeal, thyme, paprika, sage.

3) In another small bowl, combine wet ingredients: broth, garlic, lemon zest.

4) Dump both dry and wet ingredients into the chickpea mixture. Knead about 3 minutes or so, "until strings of gluten have formed."

5) Divide your dough into quarters. Flatten each piece until it's a patty roughly the size of your flat hand.

TO PAN-FRY: Heat a large skillet over medium heat and coat lightly with olive oil. Cook cutlets about 12 to 15 minutes, flipping once halfway through. When finished, they should be browned and patty-esque in texture.

TO BAKE: Grab a baking sheet and lightly oil or coat it with cooking spray. Then, "brush both sides of each cutlet with olive oil" (or spray with cooking spray – you get the idea here). Pop in the oven for 20 minutes. Flip once and bake 8 or 10 more minutes. When finished, they should be browned and patty-esque in texture

Approximate Calories, Fat, Fiber, and Price per Cutlet
246 calories, 8.2g fat, 3.8g fiber, $0.65

1 cup chickpeas: 286 calories, 2.7g fat, 10.6g fiber, $.50
2 tablespoons olive oil: 239 calories, 27g fat, 0g fiber, $.24
½ cup vital wheat gluten: 280 calories, 0g fat, 0g fiber, $.82
½ cup oatmeal: 150 calories, 3g fat, 4g fiber, $0.15
¼ cup vegetable broth: 1 calorie, 0g fat, 0g fiber, $.05
2 tablespoons soy sauce: 18 calories, 0g fat, .3g fiber, $.21
2 garlic cloves: 10 calories, 0 g fat, 0.1 g fiber, $0.10
½ teaspoon lemon zest: negligible calories and fat, 0.1g fiber, $.50
½ teaspoon dried thyme: negligible calories, fat, and fiber, $.02
½ teaspoon paprika: negligible calories, fat, and fiber, $.02
¼ teaspoon dried sage: negligible calories, fat, and fiber, $.02
TOTAL: 984 calories, 32.7g fat, 15.1g fiber, $2.63
PER CUTLET (TOTAL/4): 246 calories, 8.2g fat, 3.8g fiber, $0.65

(no subject)

Anyone know any ridiculously cheap recipes? I have $12 to feed myself and Jason from now until Monday evening. We've already gone through most of the emergency-pantry-food, so I'm honestly thinking I'll just have to get 2 bags of spaghetti/2 jars of pasta and ration it out very carefully. Stupid lapse in paycheck.

The cover letter I *wanted* to write when I was jobhunting.

Greetings, Maker of Company Decisions!

I see from your recent Craigslist ad that you are looking to hire an office worker. While almost anyone could perform the duties expected of your average entry-level administrative person, I would like to present you with an alternative proposal.

My name is Typsie O'Malley, and I am a local actress who will accurately portray an office worker for 40 hours a week in a location of your choosing. I have trained for over a decade with experienced actors in learning all the finer points of recreating office culture: the language, mannerisms, routines, etc.

You may be asking yourself, why an actress? Why not just hire Jim or Susan, regular office workers? The answer, my friend, is enhanced substance. Jim and Susan may serve you dutifully, but they will never feel obligated to amuse you. They will volunteer too much - or too little - of their personal lives. You won't care what they have to say, and you will grow weary of feigning interest in their mundane lives. You will realize, years down the road, possibly while intoxicated at the company Christmas party, that Jim and Susan have become, to you, less than human.

And that's where I come in. When you find your to-do list getting a little thin, you can count on me to provide entertainment until you are called back to your duties. I will create a character - tentatively named Typsie O'Malley, but I am flexible with naming - with a rich backstory full of hopes and dreams, love lost, childhood misfortunes, inner turmoil, epic travel through time and space, and unexpected victories. You can get to know me without ever having to deal with the messy business of getting to know me. My many years of practice at improvisation have allowed me to carry on whole conversations, completely off the cuff, while staying in character.

Moreover, I can easily adapt my "story" to suit your tastes, whether your preference be comedy, tragedy, romance, science-fiction, or political drama. As an added bonus, you will get to see my character's story unfold before you. The longer you keep me on your payroll, the more of the plot you will get to see played out. If you like, at the end of each day, I can give a summary of the day's events and a preview of what might happen tomorrow.

My portrayal will be realistic down to the last detail, including actually performing any clerical tasks you may need me to complete. I have practiced duties such as typing, filing, and computer work, so as to maximize the quality of my performance. Not only this, but I will complete these tasks while remaining in character the entire time! My presentation will be so authentic that you may even forget I am an actress. Whether your company is large or small, no matter what the industry, I can fulfill your need for a resident office actress.

I understand my proposition is unusual, but I assure you that it is entirely sincere - or at least that I'm acting that way in a convincing manner. As you review the approximately 15,000 applicants for this position, ask yourself: do I want a robot, or do I want an artist?

I encourage you to think outside the box (unless you hate that phrase) and consider my services.

Mostly Sincerely,


Written 20 years ago, still relevant

A woman came up to me and said, "I'd like to poison your mind
With wrong ideas that appeal to you, though I am not unkind."
She looked at me, I looked at something written across her scalp,
And these are the words that it faintly said as I tried to call for help:

There's only one thing that I know how to do well
And I've often been told that you only can do what you know how to do well
And that's be you, be what you're like, be like yourself,
And so I'm having a wonderful time, but I'd rather be whistling in the dark.

A man came up to me and said, "I'd like to change your mind
By hitting it with a rock," he said, "though I am not unkind."
We laughed at his little joke and then I happily walked away
And hit my head on the wall of the jail where the two of us live today.

There's only one thing that I know how to do well
And I've often been told that you only can do what you know how to do well
And that's be you, be what you're like, be like yourself,
And so I'm having a wonderful time, but I'd rather be whistling in the dark.
  • Current Music
    TMBG stuck in my head
me and the wee one

(no subject)

Last night, me and dark_knightly hatched a plan (inspired by krazyfelioness, as you might have guessed) to hand out bubble wrap in some public location, perhaps Pioneer Square. Because hey, I figure everyone's day could probably be brightened a bit with the addition of free bubble wrap.

Good idea, Y/N?

Hoshit positivity!

Scallops and couscous tonight. Rockband tomorrow. Cartfoods Saturday. Romantic dinner Sunday. Job interview Monday. Lots of wine and kisses in between.

For once, everything feels right.